Local Ghost Accosts Pyrography Instructor at Crafts School

sfanny2IN THE WOODS — A farmhouse ghost was photographed approaching 0.001% famous pyrography instructor Theo Fadel at a local arts and crafts compound near Williamsburg, Massachusetts late Sunday afternoon.  The friendly spirit has been known to staff for years and sighted on numerous occasions. “Her name is Fannie. She lives in the farmhouse” said a former staff member who would not give their name. “A few years ago I stayed overnight in the farmhouse by myself” said Fadel. “It’s a little spooky. I’m pretty sure I heard someone dialing a giant telephone in the basement. I definitely did not open the door.”

Fannie is not usually seen at the dining hall and it is unclear why she was approaching the artist and pointing her finger while holding a bible. “She’s probably lost, eh?” observed a random passing dog walker. “Maybe she’s trying to find that girls’ rock and roll camp down the road” added the random dog. The Institute for the Musical Arts  is headquarted in the neighboring town of Goshen and offers comprehensive rock and roll finishing for young ladies .  Co-founder June Millington was also a co-founder of the 1970’s rock band “Fanny.”

“The lady with a book in her hand?” said a chipmunk whose family has been living under the dining room porch for over 200 generations. “It’s not a bible she carries. It’s more of a notebook of who’s going to get it, or something like that. Her name is Fannie Clary”

 

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HECATE takes control of dining table from Lundi Gras clubs, Cites Chinese New Year

THE DINING ROOM, MA — HECATE “Queen Maud” of House of Tortie has occupied the main table dressed in a paper dragon suit in a bid for some Chinese New Year.  In a written statement the blond tortie queen says “What? Lundi Gras is a second shelf holiday, ridiculous. After I set off some fireworks on the buffet and run around the room in this dragon bag, then you can have your clothespin Lundi Gras. Whatever, nobody knows where bald-ass Redbird is anyway. I love you.”  Negotiations are ongoing.

 

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Will Pinewood Gnome make bid for St. Patty’s 10k?

HOLYOKE — Pinewood Gnome is training, seen here at Ashley Reservoir, and could return to compete in the Paper City next year.  Pinewood was disqualified in 2014 for attempting to shortcut the race.  He was caught by helicopter video running along the shoulder of Interstate 91 between Westfield Road and Cherry Street.  Mr. Gnome would make no comment.

The 41st Annual St. Patrick’s Road Race is scheduled for Saturday, March 19, 2016 — the rifle goes off at 1pm sharp.

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Medieval knight trapped in tree

EASTHAMPTON — An unidentified knight is being rescued from an old piece of poplar in a Cottage Street Studio.  “We don’t know how he got in there” said 0.001% famous artist T. Reen Fadel who is working on the rescue “but the piece of wood is shaped kind of like a boat so maybe that has to do with anything.”  The knight has a broken nose and is only three feet tall, but according to amateur forensic archaeologist Squilton Howell III “It’s not unusual, people were shorter in the past and almost everyone had a broken nose a thousand years ago.”  Sharp pieces of steel are used to shave the wood away from the living knight within.  “It’s fused to his skin” said Fadel.  “It’s just going to take as long as it takes.”

 

Cat Forecloses on House

NEARBY – A tortoiseshell house cat has claimed her own house.  Rosie “Lil’ Baby” Fadel filed a notice of default with the Hampden County Raccoon of Deeds last Tuesday while her human guardians were out of town, but there is no auction.  The chocolate tortie says she intends to live in the house herself.  “We have right of residence” observed one of her human caretakers, “but in the eyes of the law it’s not enough to keep her out of the big bed”.

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Gnome Breaches Nashawannuck Pond

EASTHAMPTON — Early this morning a clay gnome escaped from a high security studio  by sliding through a plumbing waste pipe into the One Cottage Street canal.  Police believe he is walking along the bottom of Nashawannuck Pond toward the Platinum Pony’s backyard booze deck.   Residents of the nearby condominium development are advised to stay inside forever until something else happens.

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