Popular Tree Ornament and Local Do-Gooder ATTACKED — Assailant at Large!

redbirdTableWPolice
If you recognize this person please contact the St. James Sheriff.

Winter Wonderland — Friend of yard squirrels and popular ornament Redbird was smacked down while partying at a pop up holiday table on the grounds of St. James Cottage. Redbird is in stable condition at a secure location inside the cottage.  Celebrated Christmas ornament and close friend Tree Angel was at the scene and rode in the ambulance with the victim. There are unconfirmed reports that Catnip Mouse was also injured in the scuffle.

  • Redbird after attack at St. James.
  • Redbird at hospital with friends and medical staff.

St. James Cottage is home to SCFB, Redbird’s  philoskiouropy that provides food to under-served yard squirrels. Earlier today the organization set up a holiday table to feed and encourage yard squirrels during the snowfall.  A large scurry of squirrels was waiting for an appearance by Tree Angel when an unidentified assailant charged and flipped Redbird onto his back yanking his anchor wires out of the pebbled ground. “The holiday table was completely ruined” moaned one honey bear.  Upper Pond where the attack occurred is in lock-down at least through rush feeding hours this evening.

St. James Cottage is also home to the House of Tortie, a syndicat of unspecified but active and often ham fisted purpose .  The sheriff would not confirm whether any tortoiseshell female cats had also been involved in the attack.  An investigation is underway.  If you have any information please contact the St. James Sheriff at StJamesSheriff@theofadel.com

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

Gnome Breaches Nashawannuck Pond

EASTHAMPTON — Early this morning a clay gnome escaped from a high security studio  by sliding through a plumbing waste pipe into the One Cottage Street canal.  Police believe he is walking along the bottom of Nashawannuck Pond toward the Platinum Pony’s backyard booze deck.   Residents of the nearby condominium development are advised to stay inside forever until something else happens.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail