THE DINING ROOM, MA — HECATE “Queen Maud” of House of Tortie has occupied the main table dressed in a paper dragon suit in a bid for some Chinese New Year. In a written statement the blond tortie queen says “What? Lundi Gras is a second shelf holiday, ridiculous. After I set off some fireworks on the buffet and run around the room in this dragon bag, then you can have your clothespin Lundi Gras. Whatever, nobody knows where bald-ass Redbird is anyway. I love you.” Negotiations are ongoing.