THE DINING ROOM, MA — HECATE “Queen Maud” of House of Tortie has occupied the main table dressed in a paper dragon suit in a bid for some Chinese New Year. In a written statement the blond tortie queen says “What? Lundi Gras is a second shelf holiday, ridiculous. After I set off some fireworks on the buffet and run around the room in this dragon bag, then you can have your clothespin Lundi Gras. Whatever, nobody knows where bald-ass Redbird is anyway. I love you.” Negotiations are ongoing.
Winter Wonderland — Friend of yard squirrels and popular ornament Redbird was smacked down while partying at a pop up holiday table on the grounds of St. James Cottage. Redbird is in stable condition at a secure location inside the cottage. Celebrated Christmas ornament and close friend Tree Angel was at the scene and rode in the ambulance with the victim. There are unconfirmed reports that Catnip Mouse was also injured in the scuffle.
St. James Cottage is home to SCFB, Redbird’s philoskiouropy that provides food to under-served yard squirrels. Earlier today the organization set up a holiday table to feed and encourage yard squirrels during the snowfall. A large scurry of squirrels was waiting for an appearance by Tree Angel when an unidentified assailant charged and flipped Redbird onto his back yanking his anchor wires out of the pebbled ground. “The holiday table was completely ruined” moaned one honey bear. Upper Pond where the attack occurred is in lock-down at least through rush feeding hours this evening.
St. James Cottage is also home to the House of Tortie, a syndicat of unspecified but active and often ham fisted purpose . The sheriff would not confirm whether any tortoiseshell female cats had also been involved in the attack. An investigation is underway. If you have any information please contact the St. James Sheriff at StJamesSheriff@theofadel.com
NEARBY – A tortoiseshell house cat has claimed her own house. Rosie “Lil’ Baby” Fadel filed a notice of default with the Hampden County Raccoon of Deeds last Tuesday while her human guardians were out of town, but there is no auction. The chocolate tortie says she intends to live in the house herself. “We have right of residence” observed one of her human caretakers, “but in the eyes of the law it’s not enough to keep her out of the big bed”.